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[27 Jun 2009|10:24pm] |
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 amused |
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It's just a few days... but for the past few days I've been trying to do that dreaded thing, that "live more healthily" gambit. Yesterday it was tilapia, green beans, corn, a bit of rice as the sinful event, today couscous with a tomato (sauce and chunks), basil, mushrooms and chicken (what? it's food? We actually went back for seconds). We went swimming today, too. I kept counting laps, comparing it to that mile long length that I use to hold myself toward as a minimum daily standard. Somewhere on the first leg, I tossed that idea and played with David in the water. I figured it was foolish to hold myself to that same standard I did in highschool and to be greatful that I was at least out and about... that my burnt calories would be diminished, but still pretty darn good compared to our usual Saturday activities. Anyways, all and all... quite all right.
It's late and I wonder in to the kitchen, quite hungrily poking at things... and what makes the tummy numb so that it is easily satisfied? That good old sparkling wine, oh yes. Cold, oh yes. There's aches here and there on me, saying "it's time to set things right, come on now, let's be good?" But.
Pop. Oh dear god yes. Fresh apple explosion- blinding.
The bottle had a double wrapper on it- so odd, there was a duplicate wrapping underneath the first. And, there were no clean champagne classes, so I used a sample glass from a wine festival. Signs?
There are these little things, I use to wonder- if fate was somehow testing you, testing your resolve to see if you're worthy of help. Or fate giving you a hand by saying "no madam, not tonight".
But no.
Pop. Bliss. Little mental images of only living until I was fourty. Hmmm... I'll eat right, I can do that... but this. This.
I chuckle inwardly and think... if only I lived in Europe, maybe Italy...
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[15 Apr 2008|02:34pm] |
All Star: $984
(taxes/fees - 114)
Room + Fancy Ticket: 1,667.04
Room + Hopper: 1,560.50
Price of Fancy Ticket: 683.04 ($340.82 pp)
Price of Park Hopper: 576.50 ($287.55)
SoG Ticket: $297
... thereby SoG->Fancy = $43.82
Annual= $ 477.12 pp (Upgrade= $136.3)
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[14 Apr 2008|11:34am] |
Tuesday April 29:
8:00 to 10:30- Biology
10:45 to 1:15 - Political Thought (no exam?)
4:15 to 6:45- Linear Algebra2 (death tastic)
Thursday May 1:
1:30 to 4 :00- Math History (probably not an exam)
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| Erasure |
[20 Sep 2006|01:03pm] |
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mood |
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 curious |
] |
[b]I'm going to start a new journal.
A journal for the next year.
David's gone, he's at war. I need this year to be timed and organized... and inspired.
This journal I've had since I was... 12 or something horrible.
This new journal is going to have weekly goals, many photos, voice entries, world travel, achievements. It probably will be friends only, because it will be very intimate and personal for me. If you would feel uncomfortable with sharing your personal phone number or home address with me, then this new journal's probably going to be out of your league and pointless for you to add. But, if you've ever been curious as to how I achieve the odd and exciting things that I do, how I change my life so drastically in such a small amount of time... then this new journal, would be the journal for you to want to add.
I'm not even slightly begging anyone to read it, I'm just saying... usually when something like this happens, I disappear and come back with crazy stories you never actually get to hear. Here's a chance to. Be warned though, it's going to be vastly updated. In fact, the less that do add it, the more comfortable I'll feel.
[/b]
The name?
I'm thinking...
David wants, "Boots and Boobs", I think I'll just make that the journal title or my listed name.
I'm looking at "Every Rose" (has it's thorn. ~snickers~ Lame-goodness. Also, make sense for him being away right now. Love=Rose, Him being in the Army & away= thorn. It's bittersweet, somewhat perfect... Plus, we want to name our baby girl Rose, if that ever happens).
Maybe, "Connected" (the way me and him stay connected, the internet, also another lameo song).
Maybe, "Secret Machine".
We'll see. Too bad I can't talk to him for another month or so... hmm...
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[11 Sep 2006|11:50am] |
9/10's my birthday.
So, David, right?
He's completely useless when it comes to doing something special for special dates. Yes, he can remember them. He's one step up from other guys because he at least does that.
But, for the past 3 months, I've been telling him, "my birthday's September 10th, I'm turning 20 this year, I expect to have a real birthday this year. I want the works".
So what does he do?
ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.
Not until the day or so before, and he's crying and pannicing about it.
Yes, I understand he works hard.. I know... but dammit boy!
If you're going to forget, then fuck it- take it like a man. Don't make me comfort you for fucking up. I HATE that.
So yes, Friday night, he's looking online for hotels out on Willmington Beach. So yes, Saturday we spend all day shopping. Yes, we did end up doing SOMEthing, but on MY accord.
All year long, I plan everything... all of our finances, our life, our vacations, our everything. And, I tell him what he needs to do in order for us to achieve it. And it works fine... but, I want days off, too. I think that's why I've been willing to go visit my farther. Because he takes care of everything. Mike will say, "we're going to (blah) now, is that ok with everyone?" And it's really nice to have that every once in awhile.
So really, beyond the cake, or the presents, THAT'S the part I want. I wanted to have a day, where I could be hands-free and just enjoy it.
Whatever, it didn't happen. (Don't worry, in the end, this story gets better... but that's in the end... let's continue).
So Sunday morning.
I set the alarm. I wake him up. I tell him to go and make me a cake, to go and wrap presents... That he has an hour or two. And wake me up by noon-latest.
He goes off to the kitchen for maybe 10 minutes.
As soon as he comes back up, I'm thinking, "how could he be done already?"
I say, "David, you didn't leave a mess for me down there did you?" (no) "Did you put up the milk?" (yes) "Did you throw away the eggs this time and not just leave them on the counter or whereever?" (I threw them away).
..... I smell smoke, faintly, "uuuh... David, you turned on the oven, not the stove, right?" .... "GO GO GO GO!!!"
And smoke fills the upstairs bedroom.
The kitchen's on fire. (wonderful- expected, but dammit).
The fire alarm goes off, I tell him to turn it off. (I caaaan't) "take the battery out".
Ok, it's off... we open up all the windows and doors and stand outside. The smoke's going up and down our block.
I'm standing half naked outside, when I should still be sleeping in bed. (whatever).
He's frekaing out, I'm pissed off.
I decide that we should get in the car and go for breakfast. When we pull up to IHOP, I sit there a moment and decide that this isn't I want. I don't want to pay mass amounts for their crappy food, while sitting uncomfortably in a see through shirt and too hot flannel pants. So, I pull out and instead we go to Sonic. He's still being a little bitch. All wishy-washy and "I don't know what to dooo". Boo fucking ho.
I go into the house, to pack some stuff.
I go into the kitchen to examine the damage. And sure enough... there sit the gallon of milk that he lied to me about putting up- burnt through. And there sits some egg shells in my measuring cup, that I know he'd never clean himself, just throw it into the sink, so that when I was the dishes a day or so later, I'd get a gross surprise.
Fucking liar.
There's no need to lie either, he could've just said, "No, I haven't put them up yet, but I will, I just wanted to come give you a birthday hug".
But see, if he lies now... then I won't get made at him when he's around. Then he won't have to deal with me being angry at him. He'd rather just leave the milk and crap out all day/over night, so that I won't find it until he's already at work. Fucking jackass.
Yeah, whatever... I grab our swimsuits... and whatver else.
So we head down to the beach. Getting completely plastered on the beach is the only way I can think of not just killing him. I feel lied to, hurt that he didn't bother to do jackshit for my birthday, and now... now he's acting like a little bitch about all of it. Crying and whinning and complaining and neh neh neh... all awhile with this tone of voice that's acting like it's wrong of me to be mad at him, and that it's not his fault, and just not letting off of it, not trying to do a single thing to make it better... just going on and on and on and on about it.
Ok, driving there, he HAS to have the map.
The drive should have been an hour and a half drive- there about.
But no, he doesn't keep close watch to the map, so we do a 20 mile full cicrle around the city... and it took us about 3 or 3 and a half hours to get there.
All the while, I didn't even want to leave town, because my baby truck's being making these funny noises. But, I thought, an hour and a half drive can't be that bad for it, right? Maybe not an hour and a half, but I'm sure sure 3 and a half is bad for it.
On the car ride, he spends an hour, an hour and a half on the phone with his mother. Supposedly she called to wish me a happy birthday. But I'm sure it's more so that that's the only time she could be 100% sure to get David on the phone. Which is fine, I wouldn't want to be stuck talking to some girl I don't know (especially if I'm already suppose to ) all by ourselves. I didn't care too much about the call... It distracted me from how angry I was at David. I did take notice, afterwards though, how completley inconsiderate it was to sit there on the phone, talking away.
And of course, his mother had to throw in a comment about laura, "I want a picture of you and Sam, because right now, all I have is pictures of you and ANOTHER GIRL..." Yes, she didn't say her name, good for her, but dammit, she didn't need to say that at all.
At least this time, I didn't get gross mental images of David and laura having sex.
Ugh.
My mother calls, "I know we talked yesterday, but I figured I'd go ahead and give you another ring. So what are you doing for your birthday?"
(Going down to the beach)
" ~disapproving air from my mother ~"
(Well, it's only suppose to be an hour and a half away. And besides, we couldn't stay at home because David lit the kitchen on fire...)
He lets out a pathetic, "But I was trying to make you a cake!!!" as if doing some unplanned, last minute, half-assed attempt was something that deserved such a passionate defense.
Whatever, I told her, lightly, about yes, he was trying to make me a cake, it was all an accident... Whatever, whatever, it's a mistake that people new to cooking make.
Keep in mind, the reason why my parents got divorced was because my father wasn't romantic with her. Him being abusive to her children was only a sidenote, a justification for the divorce... not the reason. So, her words of "if he's not being romantic now, he's not going to be in 20 years".
Part of the whole reason I married David was because he is a romantic. He is. So for him to just sit back and do nothing when it finally comes to be allowed to do it, is unexuseable. ESPECIALLY SINCE HE'S GOING TO IRAQ THIS OR NEXT WEEK. ESPECIALLY SINCE THIS IS OUR LAST WEEKEND TOGETHER.
Anyways... we make it to the beach and end up having a wonderful time.
The waves were giant and strong... Knocked me off of my (drunk assed) feet countless times.
Yeah, I got completely plastered.
I sat back in the sand, and let David sit between my legs, and lay back on me... and we let the waves trickle over us... just watching the endless waves... As I kissed the top of his bald head until it turned red.
On our drive home, we stopped by Texas Roadhouse, which had drop-dead yummy food.
He drove the rest of the way home, as I slept lightly.
And that was my 20th Birthday.
I still haven't got to open a single B-day present. :( The stuff we bought on Saturday, David said he had to wrap first.
But, at least, my momma said she bought a present for me that her and Sean had picked out. So, that aught to be pretty cool. Probably in the next week I'll get that... But yeah, bye bye teenage years...
Sidenote:
Myrtle Beach: best for boogie boarding or just playing in the water, chest deep.
Willmington Beach: best for sitting on the shore with the waves coming up over you. Or even standing in knee high. Waves are hard to boogie on because the crash further out, so you can only catch the last bit of it's tail (because midway through, the crashed part, crashes on its self, so you can not catch it far-ish out because you'll just lose it when that happens). Even all boogie-ing close in, your board bottoms out on the shore, and still pushes you over in a flip that skins your body. But yeah, they're shallow waves on the shore, which is much better for sand castles, too.
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[05 Sep 2006|02:36pm] |
Well, my Birthday's on September 10th, I'm turning 20.
David's leaving in the next two weeks.
Then... there's 11 or so weeks until Christmas break, maybe I'll go back to Dallas then and spend it with Alex or something.
My cousin's husband is in the Navy, and they're about to be PCSed over to Japan. So, this summer I might get the chance to go and visit her. Wouldn't that be amazing? Japan and Australia... I'll have to save for it. Which will be tough because we're only getting 800-100 per paycheck because somebody (*cough* David's team leader that he left the equiptment with) stole all of David's gear. So they're taking it out of his pay. Oh yeah, and they claimed that they overpaid us 1000 or so bucks, so they're taking that out of his pay.
We went from making 1300 every two weeks to this paycheck was only 800. Rent's 620, I don't know how we're even going to say alive, much less... save. They're like "well, you'll get an extra 500 a month in a few months". Bastards. Anyways...
Janurary, I'll be taking two math courses, 1 comp sci (maybe David will be able to take it with me online), and hopefully the astronomy course. I might just take another Chemistry course because I am having a lot of fun in my current one.
May's exams...
Hopefully next year I can get enough scholarships to be able to pay for next year's college.
So goals:
September: Refiance Truck, see if I can take out rest of student loans. Dentist. Load up on liquor and sleepy pills.
October: Request David's Transcripts for college course. Mid terms. Start reading Vampire Chronicals again. Do go out and do something Halloweeny.
November: Register for Spring classes. X-mas shopping. Apply for scholarships.
December: Finals. Dallas time.
Janurary- May: Volunteer a bunch (Ft.Bragg library), maybe work. Donate stuff from house massively.
May: Finals. Put stuff in storage? (May-August= $1860).
June/ July: Japan, have truck very near paid off first.
August: Fall semester starts. Get into Literacy Core.
September: David should be back. I turn 21.
October: David get some leave? Surgery. Vegas?
And that's the next year.
Sam-
I will get an A in Chemistry.
I will get an A in Calculus, a B+ minimum.
I will get an A in Finance.
I will get an A in Art, a B+ minimum.
I will not get horribly depressed when he's gone. I will take sleepy pills every Monday and Wednesday night. I will volunteer and stay active in the community in order to maintain my hold on life.
My classes are not difficult, I will stay on them. I will not fall behind. I will do all of the work I can.
I will keep a photo journal of the time that he's gone. I will keep him updated.
Remember Sam- PHOTOS PHOTOS PHOTOS.
You need something to be able to look back upon, something to keep David still here with you. He will still be apart of your life, his responces just have a bit of lag time. And you need to be able to track what you did each week, to make you excited and keep you going.
Every month, you MUST send him a package of these photos and a new game. You two will play a new game together every month.
It's 12 months, four weeks at a time. Days don't exist, only weeks. Only goals of the week.
This is your chance to take a large course load and to travel.
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| Who am I? |
[03 Aug 2006|01:37am] |
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Who are you? What are your hobbies? What do you like? What type of a person are you?
If your answer to these questions are, "I like this type of music and this TV show" and that you're capible of playing an instrament... WAKE UP.
THIS IS YOUR OFFICIAL WAKE UP CALL.
You should have passion in your life, achievements... actual hobbies. Something, ANYthing that defines you as a person, as an individual.
We maintain websites, we chat online, we watch tv, we go to work, and we fiddle around eating chips.
That's not living!
If self-motivation isn't key enough, then just keep in mind that someday you're going to meet someone that you're going to desperately want to impress.
I ask people, "what are your long term goals in life?" I get the same responce, "to fall in love and be loved, to own a house, to have a job I love or one that pays well, and to travel the world"
How?
How are you going to impress that person you're infatuated with if your life is a blank slate?
"But Sam, boring people get married all the time"
Yes, and they get divorced or stay in a loveless, boring marriages. You have to be able to keep that person's attention, keep inspiring and surprising them... The is more excitement to life than just rolling the dice on stupid risks.
Why are you interesting? Why are you a worthwhile investment? Why should I do anything to remain your at your side?
Odd facts about me:
--- I can recall the events of what happened exactly one year ago better than I can what happened this day last week.
--- I drove a race car and flew an airplane before I ever drove a normal vehicle.
--- I've gone on a poker tour with a biker gang, where I won the cash prize at the end and the "wiene bite" competition. Ha!
--- I've built a house (not by myself obviously).
--- I've been a literal hobo before- ha! (My parents got divorced, moved away, and abandoned me)
--- I've been on MANY archeological digs and to this day can still pick out possible "sites".
--- When I talk in my sleep, I somtimes speak an Indian language, (My nanny was Indian -as in India- when I was an infant and toddler).
--- I've been in several math competetions and won, several for Robotics and my cello, of course, too.
--- I hold several Who's Who awards.
--- I worked at a law firm for about three years, so I know odd facts and that's where my organization skill come from. I can also automatically fold a piece of paper into thirds, staple with one hand perfectly, and I have a fake office voice I can turn on and use whenever I make official phone calls.
--- I've been trained to be a counciler for victims of abuse.
--- I've been a camp counciler at a girl scout camp.
--- I can sail a two person boat by myself.
--- I risked breaking my arm in order to save two sail boats and prevent five other girls from getting hurt.
--- I broke my wrist to save my brother's life. We were roller skating, it was his first time, and he was sliding onto Lovers Lane( a few houses off of the intersection of the highway). I grabbed him, and with both of our weight, threw myself backwards onto the curb. He landed in my lap, I landed on my wrist. My sibblings were treated like my children, my mother seemed more like my sister.
--- I can build a remote controlled robot completely by myself.
--- In middle school, I went to church and was the person that carried the cross down the eisle and I played the handbells (the giant ones that take like 10 people to play- it's amazing to do, being apart of that).
--- I graduated from highschool a semester early and skipped a year when I was in elementary school.
--- In highschool, I was on varsity swimming and when I was young, my co-swim-coach won an Olypmic gold medal that year.
--- I was a Chief Master Sergent in the US Air Force Auxilory, Civil Air Patrol, and I have been trained on search and rescue operations.
--- Truth, honor, and respect mean something to me- I rejected an offer of 100,000 bucks for my virginity, amongst other offers. I take pride that David's my one and only.
Just to name a few. I'd like to add onto that list this year...
I am very much a person. My life has been rich and full. Very hard at times, but a real life nonetheless.
This is the first time in a long time I've thought of my achievements in list form. With my memory problems, I tend to completely forget about things... but when I'm open-minded, I'm amazed. I love life, even if she is a cruel bitch at times.
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[26 Jul 2006|03:11am] |
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mood |
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I'm still waiting to hear back from the UNCP. At the very least, they actually called ME today... Telling me that they haven't recieved my highschool transcript or application fee. Yeah right. The highschool one was sent months ago, and the fee I walked into the admissions office to hand it in myself to avoid these type of problems. Meh... The person said he/she would call me back tomorrow(now today).
So...
I went online and figured out the schedual I want.
Math 315 (internet course)
Math 222 M/F 10-11:15am, T 10-10:50
Engl106 (noonish T/R)
Chem 130 T/R 2-3:15pm,
Chem Lab 110 M 5-6:50pm,
Fin 205 F 6:30-9:30pm.
Basically that means:
I have class 10am Monday-3:30pm Tuesday
and then noon Thursday- noon Friday.
I love that I'd be getting 17 hours of schooling AND a little extra day off in the center!
Which means I can drive home Tuesday night, spend Tues. and Wed. nights with David and then drive back to UNC late-ish in the morning and be back home by the time he gets off work on Friday.
This a way, we still get to spend 5 nights a week together. He'll only notice me being gone during the few hours of the night that we would otherwise get to spend together on Mon. and Thurs.
I know, I know... he's only going to be here for a few weeks while I'm in school... but shhh.... Regardless, this gives me a mid-week relaxation. It gives me a day to do any chores that I want to and time to stay on top of all of my work.
What's too bad is that I couldn't fit in the Astronomy class, too... but then, I'd rather take that at a school that actually has a planetarium.
Now if only I get accepted this week, so that I can sign up for the exact classes that I want and get into the apartments that I want. I'll be so happy if all of this works out!
Next semester I want to take: Math230, Math325, PED 134, Pys 156(Astronomy), CSC 202. Actually, save the comp sci credit for the summer, maybe they'll dumb it down a bit. I can't stand programming anymore.
I think I'm going to be a nauty little girl and take out a student loan and then use it for pilot training... just maaaybe... Shh! No, really I should use it to pay off my truck a bit. ~sighs~ I just need to raise 15k before I can go back into the skies again. Hehe, I love planning crap.
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[19 Jul 2006|06:34am] |
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The roof of my mouth is blue... white and blue... up until the point of where there's the boil/abscess...
Panicy.
I was reading up on MRSA tonight... something about once the infection gets into your chest there's 31 or 37 percent mortality rate. (Granted, the rate's based off the already sick, lame, or old... but still... I don't like those odds).
I had just thought maybe I burnt the roof of my mouth... but no, after some nifty light/mirror action, I could actually see it.
David's phone is off. I need to be hospitalized.
There's a lot of things that have been happening over the past two weeks that... just... make me worry that the infection is now internal... Head and chest aches... my eye issues.
Some doctors treat it like it's the plague... others like it's nothing.
All I know is that when David was hospitalized they quarentined him and everyone that came in and out had to wear special clothing that they immidiately threw away as soon as they left the room.
I don't know... all I know... is I need to be hospitalized... God I'm scared. I can't deal with the idea of having a needle in my arm 24/7.
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| List O Shit to Do |
[13 Jul 2006|12:24am] |
The past week I've been having minor fever, with of course, massive headaches... and I've been teething...
Yes... maybe it's time to get those wisdom teeth removed.
I have no idea how my body managed it. Orginally the top set were coming in through my cheak, but now... they somehow made a spot on my itty bitty jaw.
But luckily and thankfully, ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif?v=92.1) army_wife51b gave me the link to where to sign up for army dental, and now I have it... I even got the card in the mail.
Boy is this ever going to make tomorrow difficult. I'm all light-headed and can't stand light or sounds... Poor babies!!! They have to grow and teeth.. 20? teeth in just a few years.
Anyways:
Tomorrow== Driving down to UNCP.
So... ( Read more... )
So the plan, right now is:
Go to UNCP, have a cheapass place to crash/live during the week down there... but still keep this apartment up here.
Granted, that makes our housing bill go up to 1000 a month, but heck... David's going to be making an extra almost 500 a month, while he's in Iraq... and well... it's going to be 150 per month for storage, plus the cost to rent a truck to move it, plus the high risk of the possibility that the storage will get broken into, plus the time and effort of moving during his one week off before he heads out away for a year...
Plus, keeping this apartment gives me some stability, something safe to come --HOME-- to.
So, I'll try this out for a semester, see how it goes... and then make adjustments.
My mother helped massively in this decision. She's the first person that gave me a definate answer, she told me- straight out- what she thought would be best. She elminated my thoughts of community college... because my thought for going there was saving money... "well, Sam, if you do want to go to UNC Chapil Hill, they probably won't take the community college courses, and if they do, they won't count for as much, so you'll still end up spending money to make up for it, which can be the same as if you just went to UNC the whole time or even more."
She elminated FSU, "well, you said you you were dissapointed when you first saw it, and your first impression of a school is gong to be your best one".
Me: "Yeah true... and my other thought for going to UNCP over FSU (even though they're both UNC schools) was that UNCP at least has the name 'UNC' in it, so an employer that doesn't really know about either UNCP or FSU, is going to assume that UNCP's better just because it's name matches the main school's name, UNC Chapel Hill, more so... So, even if I couldn't make it into UNC Chapel Hill, I'd be better off graduating from UNCP than FSU."
So yeah... I made my decision.
I'm sorry about how unreadible this is.... serious, serious headache...
My eyes have also been dialating funny... as in, one pupil's larger than the other... it makes keeping your balance, reading, paying attention, all of it, difficult.
But yeah... sorry sorry sorry, jabber jabber jabber, death death death.
Oh one more thing: I figured out why the really tramatic parts of my life, I can't remember:
When I'm stressed out and bothered- I don't sleep.
When you don't sleep, your mind doesn't get to a chance to have a brain fart and sorta through and store data properly.
See currently as an example.
Be glad that you aren't with me right now... because I have a craving for eating human flesh. That probably shouldn't make me giddy. Yeah... fever. Blame it all on the fever.
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| College- Help!!! |
[11 Jul 2006|03:34am] |
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I'm so confused about where to go for college, where to live.
1) Univeristy of Texas at Dallas-
The good- a good engineering school, if I still even want to do that. It's near Alex and Marilyn (and maybe Deb if we can repair our friendship), so I have people to be near. It's where we're legally residents of right now, so I could go instate tuition. Oh yeah, and good food, entertainment, yaddah. I know the city well. And Sara and Sean (my sibblings) could come and visit me.
The bad- I was so depressed last time I lived in Dallas and UTD is only a block away from where David and I's first apartment together was. I'm afriad that I'd only be going there because of fear. I wouldn't be able to go dirrectly to UTD. I'd have to go back to Richland Community College until I could reapply for UTD... and UTD is now one of the top engineering schools, so it's probably fairly hard to get into now.
2) UNCP-
The good- it's here, so I can get a waiver for instate tuition. It's an hour away from where I currently live so I could still do all of the military wive stuff, this base has all of my medical records. I can sorta continue going here once David gets back. There might be a slightly higher chance of the main campus of UNC accepting me, if I go to their sister school.
The bad- it's out in the middle of no where, the campus seemed so ghetto and dead on our second visit and that freaked me out. I'd have to start all over, again... new town, new people, new places, just more crappy time trying to adjust to the new world.
3) Fayetteville Technical Community College-
The good- I don't have to move at all if I don't want to. I can stay here, and while he's gone, still feel like he's here, just in the other room, asleep like he is right now... I'm getting use to this city, I don't have to have a complete shock again from moving...
The bad- it's a community college.
4) Fayetteville State University-
It's downtown, maybe half an hour away, maybe a bit more. It's the most reasonible one to attend when David comes back.
Pros to staying in North Carolina: I can buy a house while he's gone or... and the last 3 or 4 months busy myself with getting it perfect for his arrival. (I'm pathetic, I know... I'm a sappy little puppy dog.)
5) ASU
Pros- I LOVED this school, it's where I went last semester I took, so it'd be the easist to just go and register for, right now.
Cons- In Georgia, so we'd have to pay out of state unless we can change his orders to say that his hometown is in GA... I don't know how to go about doing this or the pros and cons of that though... If we could get instate though:
Pro- I could then get the HOPE grant and have my education 100% funded for.
I would love to go to ASU again, but that doesn't seem like an option.
I don't know what to do!!!!!!!
I just want someone to look at me, straight in the eyes and say, "This is what you need to do, this is best because... this this and this... there is no other reasonible option".
But rather, all I get is, "do what your heart tells you"
I'm not going to trust my heart! It's too scared to make any type of good decision...
I just wish I knew how I would feel in each of these situations.
I suppose... I can chicken out and let fate decide... Just try to get into all of them, with equal effort... and whomever sends me the first or best offer, just go with it...
I think that's what most kids do, isn't it?
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| Spending too much |
[11 Jul 2006|03:06am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 uncomfortable |
] |
We've spent over 2,500 bucks since July 1st.
Between the vacation to Myrtle beach, buying David a laptop, a new phone, and my mother's Birthday present, the new truck payment, being overcharged on car insurance, and... yeah... ~shudders~
I certainly hope that number's at least including rent and bills, too... (I just checked) it doesn't...
I played all of that June 30th.
So since June 30th, we've spent at least 3,000 bucks, I'm guessing 3,500 by assuming there's something else on the credit card... but I think I prepayed it, and that's part of the 3,000 number. None the less, OUCH!! In not even two weeks.
And I'm a cheap lady, normally...
What's horrible, is none of it was out of the question...
All of it was for prepairation for David going to Iraq.
The truck- the car died, duh, that has to be replaced.
The phone- well, that's for now, so we can share the vehicle.
The laptop- so he can be in contact with me while he's gone.
The trip- spend some close personal time with each other, where he's not digging through his stuff, getting ready for work, where we can just let go and focus on being together.
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| Vacation this weekend= cleaning now |
[30 Jun 2006|08:29am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 nauseated |
] |
Oww, my body, oww.
My fucking mother- bless her.
It's rediculous how much work I've already done today, before the rest of the world has even really started their day.
Yesterday I somehow managed to get a king onebedroom at a resort hotel in Myrtle Beach this weekend. I stayed up all night last night figure out what the best attractions to see(/resteraunts/yaddah) would be. This morning, took David to work, and then came home and went all pseudo-cleaning super woman.
My mother.
She had this thing, where... anytime we were about to do something good (go on vacation, to the races, or just generally leaving the house to go grocerry shopping or something), it meant that there was serious cleaning to be done. The better the event that was coming up, the more spotless the house had to be. Because, see... if your house isn't spotless, you deserve nothing good because you haven't taken care of your responsibilites yet.
Automatically, as soon as I got home, I went to work... 5:30am to 8:30 am. Actually, when David was getting dressed at 4am this morning, I was folding laundry.
I've done loads of laundry, a load of dishes, picked up everything in the living room- I even reorganized the furinture in a way so that David can have his own personal space to open up all of his military gear in. After a quick nap (/my sleep for the night), I need to pay rent, go buy a cloth zip-up closet for this new space I made David... Finish laundry and dishes, make the bedroom and office just a pretty, throw out everything in the fridge (pretty much), and yes.. finally... pack our bags.
Oh yeah, and call to reserve all of the activities for this weekend.
My body's shaking, I'm so tired.
I'm glad though... A cleaning up was way over due.
My logic for continuing her insane obsession is that- so you go on a great vacation, right? The last thing in the world you want to come back to is a messy house with a mile long list of chores. It's really resfreshing that when you come home from a trip, to just be able to throw all of your baggage down, go straight to the bath, and then plop in bed- without having to worry about a thing.
In the mean time, my hands are so dry they're on the brink of bleeding.
Oh fucking hell!!!! I have all of that college stuff I need to do, too!
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| Hurt or Ignorant? |
[29 Jun 2006|03:02am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 Zoned |
] |
It's weird how you can tell what someone's been through, just based off of their words. It's weird how much the events in own's life, effects their judgments and opinions.
Though... it isn't weird, is it?
The people with the harshest words, were (and maybe still are) the softest people (and viseversa, obviously). Too logical.
We push out our opinions most when we want someone to ask what's the origin of them. And instead, we shun their opening up, just by pressing on our own. Over and over until we're left without words, just an odd look at each other.
Everyone's either hurt or ignorant. Which is better?
Boy, is it ever 3am.
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|
[16 Jun 2006|01:50pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
chipper |
] |
I've been so happy the past week or so (minus the encounter), bursting at the seams it feels like.
Just this bubbling and waving foamy happiness gushing out from my chest and flowing across my face and arms.
Maybe it's because the burden of Cat is finally gone, I know that's not what she was going for. She was going for a "ha! I'm going to say all of these means things and hurt you and abandon you and you're going to wish you gave me all I asked for (money)". And however initially heart breaking it was to hear that she had never trusted me or anyone else, never considered me or anyone else a friend, that she thought I only had bad intentions against her- ever, that she hated me, that she hated everyone, and to get the "fuck out of my life" if we weren't going to give her money...
Well, it was freeing.
So either, she isn't the same person she was... Or... she honestly believes all of this...
And in both cases... we're threw.
But really, I don't think that's what this good feeling originally came from... because I was having it far before... just her presence in my mind was holding it back a bit.
(Just because David's leaving, just watch me be pregnant).
Every morning, I feel like I own the day. I feel like I'm glowing.
I feel like, the only feeling I could ever possibly feel is this content... whatever it is, this contentment, this love.
Maybe this is because of the new truck? That I don't have to worry about my car exploding on me.
Or maybe it's just all together, that I don't have to worry about anything...
Today was filled with playing:
http://www.hobowars.com/403946/
and washing dishes, etc.
Tonight shall be filled with a date to the discount theater and a yummy dinner that I'm about to make for us.
PS- I've talked to Deb a few times, and Marilyn won't even pick up her phone for me. Is she ignoring me, or is her phone finally completely dead?
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| David's Block Leave, My College, FRG |
[16 Jun 2006|08:20am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 Shakey, ify |
] |
Stressed little gal.
He has a week of block leave coming up during the same time that school starts.
Yes, only a week of block leave.
Anyways...
The lab results just got back confirming that I did indeed have chicken pox back in the day, so I don't need a vacination... which means I can get my transcripts that are on hold from Augusta State.
Which means, I can get accepted in the University of NC at Pembroke or Fayetteville Community College and sign up for classes.
So if I go to FCC, I can continue living here, so there's less stress now and later because I won't have to move twice in the over the next year's time. But then, I have to live here... so if the memory of David's going to bother me, this isn't the place to be. (Also, here's my chance to get out of the loud rap music and questionable water stains/leaks on the ceiling between the two stories of our apartment). At FCC, I'll spend my time talking to Alex, playing video games and watching cable... and overall avoiding life... Minus any FRG stuff.
At UNC... We'll have to move all of our stuff into storage ourself the one week he has off... which will be the last -real-time we'll have together for a year. But, at UNCP, I'll be living in college housing so I might make some friends, but regardless I'd get to have a much more collegey experience. Plus, UNCP's a real college.
I suppose they're both honored as the same school since they're both technically apart of UNC, but... eh... that's only within NC, I'm sure...
Well, in UNC I'll be spending 150+ less a month on bills, and less on gas... but UNC's out in the middle of no where... And yet, it's also closer to the beaches.
I think UNC's the better choice...
But I feel heartbroken at the thought of leaving this apartment...
I mean, we have two bedrooms, and plenty of nights I'll stay in the computer room while he sleeps.. so, all I have to do is shut that door, and it'll still feel like he's here.
But that's not healthy...
Basically... it's much more of a hassle and much more painful for me to go to UNC, but I think it'll be better for me.
I suppose we could move everything I won't need for college into storage over a three day time period. Or even, I could leave the poor boy to do it himself during the day because the second part of his week off, I should be starting school... That's just mean. But you know what? He'd do it without complaint. He'd do it happily. ( A few tears bust through here ).
He'd spend his last days off of work to do physical labor while I went off to get an education that he paid for. And he'd be giddy, happy, and proud. He really is a wonderful man...
Oh yeah, FRG meeting last night (Family Readiness Group- basically a group to keep the wives sane while the boys are overseas). It was alright. I sat next to (besides David, of course) Erin (the top wife), her husband, and an officer from a higher level up in the chain of command. Epp! I realized she made me the key caller for the NCO wives (double epp!), and I confirmed with her again that I'd be the treasurer. So next week's going to be about starting up a bank account and file for that...
It's funny, all of the wives that are anti-social are the ones that volunteer to help out, and the ones that chatter happily to anyone are the ones that seem like they just happened to show up. I guess the anti-social ones need this group more for obvious reasons. I'm one of those that have little to no social skills... I'm an excellent leader, I can talk to people as long as I know that they need me for something.... but I'm horrible at talking to people if I'm just one in the crowd.
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| Finally Talking to Cat |
[14 Jun 2006|01:46pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 pissed off |
] |
Yes, I was childish and very low in this too... but if you knew me, you'd know how low the hits she made against me were.
My entire life has been devoted to being a good wife to David. When they just got together because they were both desperate. Cooper wanted a baby and a wife that would put up with his cheating userisitic ways. And Cat just wanted someone, anyone, and will do anything to become the person that they want.
Yes, I'm a bitch, and yes, I was mean to her, but at the same time, I've done this to her before, and afterwards she'd thank me for getting her out of a mess and making her stop acting like a "retard". So yeah, at least one person told her exactly what everybody's been thinking, every single bad thought. I tried, but all she wants is handouts. Also keep in mind that me, Alex, and Cat have all been buddies for like 10 years.
( Read more... )
It's like talking to a 12 year old about cleaning their room, all the way
From the "You don't understand how I feel!" to "fuck you! ~slams door~".
By the way,
Bastard: Something that is of irregular, inferior, or dubious origin.
And marriage vows where you say that you must "forsake all others", doesn't mean betray and use everyone else in sight.
I wouldn't be holding her to such "high" standards if she weren't married and having a kid. My thought is, I'm married, so if you're having a kid, you should be more responsible than me. If she were just a college student- sure borrowing from people is ok. But not when you're suppose to be an adult.
You know what the first thing she said to me was when she got knocked up? " Well, while I'm pregnant, I get free dental!!" Always looking for a free ride. She's had 18-19 cavaties, two root canals, and about to get her wisdom teeth removed, all at your, yes you, you tax payer's expense.
Oh yeah, and how can you claim that privacy's the most important thing to you if you're asking everyone (except me, because I'd rip off her head) to support you? I figure, if someone's supporting you, you have to do what that person says. Because it's their money/ their livelyhood you're taking away.
If I EVER become so horrible, PLEASE, PLEASE, come to my house, grab me by the hair and throw me in some wierd room and beat the shit out of me, and don't let me out until I listen.
~~~ Edit: Below~~~
Also, in order to understand this you have to know that Cat took out her inheretance to do drugs and sit around a crappy apartment, was on drugs up until her 14th week of pregnancy (into her second trimester). And, after doing this... decided to move in with Nicki who's a single mom of two and has worked her ass off to be able to support her little family and go to college. And not only lived off of Nicki, but bad mouthed her mothering skills and style of living. WTF? Cat you're a freeloader, stop using and abusing everyone around you and shove it!
(Also you need to know that Cooper's survived the past X number of years by using people, living with girlfriends, yaddah. X being over 10 years, because I remember when I was 10, he was basically living at Katy's house).
And asks Marilyn to take up her debt. Marilyn who doesn't even a fridge right now and doesn't have working plumbing. DUH! I told Marilyn to not cosign with Cat... and what did Cat do when Marilyn told her she didn't want to? She started bawling!! WTF? It's your own fault you have bad credit, you laughed about not paying your bills- no, no one shouldn't have to sacrafic their lives for you. That's not backstabbing you, that's preventing you from being an absolute whore to everyone. Ok, maybe everyone else around you gives into you just crying and throwing out random insults, but not me. Whatever, so go ahead and say, "If you don't give me what I want, I'm not going to be your friend anymore, AANNND I'm going to tell my mommy so that she won't talk to you either! Ha! And my bf hates you too! Haha! I'm so cool!"
Honestly, Cooper's not a horrible guy, but them together? This has been the worst thing that could ever happen to Cat. Her life is so screwed and she's too ignorant to see it.
On a side note: I found an awesome brand new loft apartment in Dallas for 370 bucks a month, and they take people with bad credit and no rental history.
I just wish I could get in contact with Marilyn before Cat tells her, "I was just being nice, talking to her, and all the sudden she started saying how she wished Cooper would cheat on me! and she kept going on and on about how much better she is than me, she's such a bitch, I can't believe all of the lies she made up. I'm sure she cheats on her husband and doesn't know what it's like to be happy in a marriage, that's why she's bad mouthing me, she's just jealous, she's always had something against me. I can't believe she just randomly attacked me!" And I'm absolutely sure anywhere she posts the script of our text message will be editted and cut back to only where I made insults. She's always done crap like that...
And then Marilyn will hate me for awhile... which is sad because me, her, and Al have been having fun on our three way conversations. Marilyn's seems a lot less stressed out, being able to have us to talk to. Eh, I have a box of presents to send her anyways, I'll just add in this LJ post, so she can have a hard copy of what was said.
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[14 Jun 2006|02:28am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
grateful |
] |
He's asleep,
Lights flashing from the TV,
Clutching my pillow --he fell asleep sniffing it--,
Curled up in a ball,
Furry legs nudging out of my hot pink sheets.
I'm trying really hard for my little heart to not become broken today.
There's an FRG (Family Readiness Group) meeting Thursday. I need to be all... wifey... and call people to comfirm their attendance.
They practiced shooting Monday and Tuesday.
He has leave coming up in a month or two or three or whenever.
He's talking about midtour leave, trying to get it on our anniversary.
I keep having to go through all of his equiptment (that we usually keep under the stairs- hidden) to bring him stuff at work- he's collected so much of it now... rain guard this, sleeping bag that.
Too much talk all in one day about him leaving.
I remember, back when he was in basic, having a countdown, thinking X weeks? X weeks isn't long at all!
And now, that X weeks I keep thinking "Oh we still have plenty of time!", but time's gone by quickly, with him, hasn't it?
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|
| Oranges |
[08 Jun 2006|11:02am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
thankful |
] |
What I'm thankful for today is the orange I just ate.
Night before last, David came home from work and had me go to bed. So, while I laid clean watching a sappy romance movie, he stayed downstairs cleaning the kitchen.
Yesterday morning, I come downstairs and it is pristine, beautiful and sparking white.
Today, after finally filling a complaint against our neighbors that always play way to loud rap music, I pulled out the oranges that I had forgotten that I bought.
Just as I cut into the first, the music stopped, as did my migraine.
I sliced them into quarter sections, cutting mostly inside the white inner skin. The past few oranges we've gotten over the past year or so have been horrid, but this one? Pure bliss.
In my quiet sparkling kitchen, on a simple, playful Correll plate, laid the rest of my orange and the knife laid sloppily to the side. My own little temporary mess amongst perfection.
It was wonderful.
With all of the forced media messages of "you have to eat HEALTHY!!" I actually started completely avoiding healthy food... so it's been awhile, and it was so good.
There is this giant white wall in my kitchen, desperate for some attention. In insperation, I believe I would like to make a painting there, inspired by this color. Orange. Too bad I have to leave in an hour for my apointment. I suppose I could start on the sketch for it.
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| Young Countries with Nuclear Power? |
[26 May 2006|01:26am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
curious |
] |
If a government, can't keep basic peace on their own, they shouldn't be sticking their hands into even messier affairs.
What I mean by, keeping peace on their own:
They shouldn't need to have to have another country maintain civil peace amongst it's peoples and amongst them and neighbors.
They shouldn't need funds and hand outs from other countries.
They should be apart of a worldwide group of representatives, and follow that group's restrictions, and be subject to that said group's inspections and whatnot.
My thought is that, the US's goal is to make all of the countries in the world act republic when it comes to dealing with countries besides themselves. Which really, can only be achieved by making all countries republic.
Oh.
Oooooh.
Duh!
That's what the Bush administration is thinking with all of this political and war mess. (Gaw, I must be drunk off my ass if Bush is making sense).
Think about it...
The US is all about security (being safety and moreover MONEY).
And... how are you suppose to trade and --trust-- some other country that goes by a system that you don't understand? The ways of the old (monarchy, dictatorship) have been proven to be unreliable, and we're so use to being subject to honesty, so duh!
And since the US is the highest power in the world, and SINCE the world could easily be destroyed ( "or worse- we could be"- says every single countrymen alive) by a multitude of things where unintelligent people have power...
That's why we've been "stepping to the plate" to take charge of the world. I just hope, that the US honestly steps down after establishing republic nations throughout the world.
Wait, side tracked massively there.
~shakes head~
No... no... Any unstable country should not have such an invention as nuclear power. It's exactly like giving a gun to a child. When the child grows up, it can earn the right to have a gun, but until then.... no, absolutely not.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Edit:
This isn't profound in anyway accept that it answers the question that I've struggled with of "Should the US act like a parent to the rest of the world?"
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